I applied for social security twice, and was denied twice. My life spun out of control going down, down, down to the eventual bottom. The definition is confusing, but basically, to me, that means you are more prone to depression vs. In 2000 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II. I had so much anger in me that it prevented me from enjoying myself, enjoying my life. That summer after my senior year was the worst summer ever.
My senior year of high school, I started developing depression and PTSD from all the bullies back home in California. I've never really started going like we did when I was a kid again. Eventually I just got so sick of it, I stopped going altogether, for multiple reasons. We went to a different church every week, searching for the right fit. When we moved to Oregon, there were surprisingly no bullies. There were a few seniors that were teaching us to ski.
On the slopes, I was all by myself, never having skied before. On the ride up, I sat next to the pastor who told me I was talking to him too much and asked me to stop talking. My mother insisted I go, in fact, most of my Christmas presents that year were for skiing. In the winter of 1989, my freshman year in high school, our church took a ski trip. Youth groups were always hard because of my social anxiety and general awkwardness, but moreover, they were composed mostly of the same kids that picked on me and made fun of me at school. I've had a hard time with churches my entire life. Eventually the bad consumed the good and left me with a lot of bad and uncomfortable feelings. I saw so much good and so much bad at my church. But like most children I learned to mute it out after a while. I had the benefit of being born into a good Christian home. I said the prayer many times confessed my sins many times asked for forgiveness about a million times, but it wasn't until I was 41 that I learned to surrender, and truly have faith like a child. It wasn't until many years later that I really became a Christian. How could I have understood what all that meant? Faith like a child. She said, "all you need to do is ask Jesus to come into your heart." Three years old.
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I regaled a time when I was three years old, my mother taught me how to get into Heaven. At my baptism, I was asked to give my testimony. I went to a Baptist church when I was a kid. What I'm about to write will hopefully be the most profound thing I'll ever write. I've written many articles that have touched many lives, provided entertainment, and encouragement. I've been a blogger now for over eight years.
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